I was reading an article about networking. Actually, I’ve been inundated from all sides concerning networking! As an author, you need to have a blog and website. A Facebook. Keep your Myspace. Twitter. Go to meetings, fit in with the group, play nice.
Um, no. No, I don’t want to.
It’s not that I mind doing these things. They’re fun. But I do mind the supposed intent behind it. “Hello, my name is Mercedes, and I hear that you have much to offer in the way of advice and general ladder-climbing. I’d like to come aboard!” Doesn’t this sound like high school to you? Like I’m going to put on my best raisin-colored lipstick, my shiniest dangly earrings, spray myself down with Tribe and clomp off to face the hallowed halls of yuuuuuck? (I graduated high school in 1997, in case you couldn’t tell. I also forgot to mention babydoll dresses with Doc Martins, and The Cranberries.)
Come on. We can spot a faker a million miles away. We know when we’re being used. Our eyes roll when we get an email from somebody who writes only when they want something. Caller ID was invented for mooches. Give me a break! My “Congratulations!” comment isn’t a carefully devised plot to worm my way into your heart. Not to mention that I’m not in the position to give a leg up to anyone, really. Sorry about that. Maybe later?
Or maybe “networking” is what we call our friendships now. Face to face is getting harder. We’re forgetting how to be social. Cyberland is crossing over to real life, and it’s crazy! Some of the old rules still linger, however. It’s all right to read blogs and comment about what people write there, but don’t do it in real life. “Hey, Charlie! Hope those rumors about your wife aren’t true. Probably are, though, from what I’ve seen. And is your rash clearing up?” Blog stalking is okay. Regular stalking is not.
And ulterior motives still suck.
Yesterday I submitted four pieces, a query package, received three rejections and an acceptance to Tweet the Meat. I’m also speaking at an elementary school on Tuesday, 45 minutes for the older kids, and 15 minutes for the younger. The subject: achieving your dreams, and the importance of proper grammar. Grammar, no joke! I’m looking forward to it, and I’ll be on my very best grammar behavior. I can haz edjucation!
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