A Krampus Christmas

Trust Battle Bunny, aka Ryan Bridger from my writer’s group, to introduce me to the most horrifying holiday myth that I have ever heard of.  Read his super cool, ultra-violent Christmas story, “A Krampus Christmas” and then curl up on your side and weep.  You’ll never look at Santa the same way again.


14 Comments on “A Krampus Christmas”

  1. What a terrible tale! If I’d been warned about such a beastly creature I’d have been scared into being well behaved. Shudder.

    Simon, you are a mess. I had to laugh at your remark though.

    This Krampus character is going to give me nightmares! Ufta!


  2. Whoa! That was the most horrific Christmas tale that I’ve ever read. I bow to Ryan, the master of nasty stories with great messages. [runs off to find his young teenage boy and have him read the story…]

  3. An awesome story! I love the way Santa is portrayed. And despite Eric’s wrongdoings, there’s a certain charm he has that made me want to root for him in the end.

  4. Lines I like:

    “Can’t do it, ho ho ho!” laughed Santa Clause. <– BEST LINE THAT EVER EXISTED!!!!!!

    Krampus changed course, began to run on his goat legs, almost skipping. “Bryan Jacobi!” he screeched, “I’m coming to take you from people you love! I’m taking you to the place where they hate you!”

    “What is it, damned man boy?” <– One day I will say that to my cousin's sons. I solemnly swear by it.

    Where the moon never rises and never sets. Where I laugh.”

    “Very well, Eric Errichson! The naughty, mighty Jacobi is mine!”

    So yeah you know I love this story. I think its a classic that's up there with "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and "A Christmas Story" and should be told to all boys and girls. Teach those little shits to be bad during the year.

  5. Simon: Stay in school, kids! Stay in school. 😉

    Ardee-Ann: Oh my goodness, I know! I would have been scared straight, no joke. We’ll be good this year, we promise!!

    Alan, Ryan is the master of this sort of thing. He’s going to warp my children, and that’s a wonderful thing.

    Melissa: Santa’s patting Krampus on the shoulder made me want to cringe and laugh at the same time. 🙂

    Anon: “Can’t do it, ho ho ho!” needs to be a t-shirt. First dibs!

  6. This is my kind of story. I enjoyed it.

    Would’ve written it a bit differently, but you know. Different writers, different writing. I prefer a psychological approach to just about any story.

    That’s besides the point, the story as written was good. :p

    Recommended reading, Mercedes (since I’ve read some of it and only just got it today): Teatro Grottesco.

    Not nearly as violent as this story but more of a psychological bent.

  7. Simon–Exactly! If we work out all year, we might be able to out run him!

    Ardee Ann–I just learned about this guy, and just HEARING about him gave me the creeps! Had to write something after that!

    Alan–Our writer’s group was split down the middle with this! Half of us thought it was horrifying and the other half thought it was hilarious! Who knew?

    Melissa–Yeah, I agree with you, Eric’s such a jerk and probably just doomed an innocent child to an eternity in hell…but I’d totally be his friend.

    Mercedes–Right back at you!

    Anon–the world will be a bette place when we all start calling children damned man boys.

    Shad–Us writer’s who are into such warped material need to stick together! Haha! Great recommendation, by the way. I concur.

    Haggis–I didn’t mean to make you cry. I apologize.

    Mason–Zazzle.com let’s make this tshirt thing happen!

    Thanks for all the feedback guys, I’m really appreciative to hear your thoughts! Big shout out to Mercedes for putting it up!

  8. I’ve got a couple of boys who need to read this story! At ages 10 and 13 Santa’s elves and birds don’t scare them anymore but Krampus? He’d scare anyone of any age. Good one, Ryan!

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