Hey all! Today I participated in my very first blogfest, and it’s fun! I’m enjoying reading the other entries, so thanks to Christina for hosting!
I took the characters from my very first novel and threw them into a rainy day. It was fun to visit them again. Yes, this is the same Ray (now an adult) from my short story Ray the Vampire. Have a great day, everybody!
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The rain fell ceaselessly. It was dark. Torrential. Brooding. The rain was angry tonight and taking its vengeance out on the town, Soleil could feel it. The cemetery would be flooding and the bodies would rise above the soil. Soleil couldn’t stand to face the dead again.
The door opened so abruptly that it crashed into the wall.
“Love! It’s raining! Let’s go outside and play!”
Ray stood in the doorway, water rushing down his white face. His fangs gleamed in the stormlight.
He saw that Soleil hadn’t moved from the window seat and he cocked one eyebrow.
“Are you moping again? Thinking about love lost and all of that? What could have been if only your darling one wasn’t a psychotic freak of nature?”
Soleil sighed and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Don’t be harsh, Ray. Orion just had a lot going on. He lost sight of…”
“What? Humanity? How not to suck? Whatever, love. You’re just doing the ‘wah-wah, poor me’ thing.” He bounded to her, dragged her to her feet. “We have places to go, things to do. Let’s pretend we’re kids again and get lost out in the orchard. Or go swimming in the hole.”
“In the rain?”
“In the rain.” He looked serious for a second. “Enough of this. He’s already taken too much from you. It’s time to live, girlie.” He grinned again, the same old Ray that he had always been, and Soleil smiled back.
“Is this where I point out that you’re undead?” she asked.
“Smart aleck. So what do you want to do in the rain, Sol?”
She thought. “How about a picnic?”
Ray nodded. “A picnic it is. Grab a basket. Today’s a new day, my friend.”
Strong imagery in the opening paragraph, and the characters and their dynamic is portrayed with clarity.
Quirky and young. You’ve got a knack.
Nothing bad here, but on a personal preference kind of a note. “Ceaselessly” brought a whole lot of spit into my mouth. Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue. There are hundreds of words to say the same thing.
Good job, thanks for sharing.
I normally hate the vamp genre, but this was fun. Quick smooth dialogue, a witty take on the usual vampire doom and gloom.
Delivered the idea in a short space of time. Characters gaining dimension with speed. Hope it goes further.
This was fun…but I wish there weren’t so many adverbs, because I ended up noticing them instead of the story flow.
I totally loved this. The voice is great and I enjoyed Ray’s character. Vampires are great when there is a new twist to them and this scene hints at that. Team Ray!
Starts out brooding, ends up whimsical. Yah, that’s pretty much Mercedes, all right.
Of course Ray and Soleil (Sun) are deliberate name choices. Clever, m’dear. Very clever.
Also, how odd that a recommended link is “Hunky Scots and Quirky Apes.” Your blog must know when I stop by…. 🙂
I love that Ray isn’t a mopey vamp (wants to go play in the rain). Fun, endearing character. Enjoyed reading. And a picnic in the rain? Oh yeah!! =D
Thanks, J! Do you ever blogfest?
Thank you, Franklin! I thought yours was very lovely. 🙂
Wendy: Ha, you’re right! “Ceaselessly” is a mouthful. Good call.
Thank you, Prue! I wrote an entire novel with Ray and Soleil. Ray’s my favorite character.
damyanti: Good catch. But hey, it was a five minute piece! What can ya do? 😀
Brenda: THANK YOU! TEAM RAY! I scream. I actually like Ray’s romantic rival, but Ray makes my eyes starry.
Hunky Scot: Trust you to pick up on their names. How many vamps are named after the sun, yeah? 😉
RaShelle: I LOVED having picnics in the rain when I was a kid! Thank goodness my parents were cool enough to let me!
I think now that there are so many of them, it’s difficult to write an original vampire story but this was so good! Well done Mercedes- very strong imagery and great dialogue 🙂
This was a fun scene!
Thanks for entering my contest. At the current rate, you’ll be guaranteed the winner! 🙂