I Had An Epiphany. And Saying Goodbye.



This epiphany cause me to shift my world.

I came down with The Mother of All Plagues, and it left me totaled. I spent days lying in bed with nothing to do but think. And I realized a few things.

I spend too much time making do instead of going for what I want.

I have too many responsibilities. It’s crippling me.  The stress is causing physical symptoms as well as emotional.

I can’t remember the last time I read for pleasure.

Most importantly, it’s time for me to take the big step of living my dreams. It’s time for me to take myself seriously and focus on becoming a full time novelist, instead of working the novel in around everything else.

In order to do that, I had to make some difficult decisions. Revamp my life in order to switch the good for the better. I had to figure out what was right for me. I cut many things out of my life. This one was the hardest.

I have left Shock Totem Magazine. It was the most difficult decision that I’ve made in a very long time. The staff at ST have become my family, and I love them madly. But I realized that leaving doesn’t mean I love them any less. I’ll still play on the forums and join the contests. I’ll still write stories with John and razz Ken and coo over their sweet Baby Z with Sarah. But I will no longer be spending time on the magazine. I’ll be dedicating it to my own work.

It’s hard to leave. ST is part of my identity. But hopefully this will help unlock the things that I want out of the rest of my life.

I love you guys.

9 Comments on “I Had An Epiphany. And Saying Goodbye.”

  1. Mercedes, I know that had to be a terribly difficult decision. I have a clue as to what Shock Totem means to you. It isn’t easy to let go of things that are important to you so that you can achieve your dreams. I also know what burn out can do to a body. I wish you well in this new phase of your life and hope you find yourself able to do more writing and work on your novels. Deep Peace My Friend, Ardee-ann

  2. You have to do what you have to do, M. Letting too many things define you leaves you tattered, everyone holding a shred, all of them not quite satisfied, especially you.

    Ken understands. Count on it. And if he or John don’t, I know some serious guys up in Chelsea who’d be glad to head down there for a little chat, offered a modest fee.


  3. *BIG HUG!* Ah, Mercedes, you will be missed. Truth be told, I’ve spent a lot less time at Shock Totem, as well. Not because I no longer enjoy the place or the people. I still love everyone there. But like you, I’ve been trying to minimize “time-sucks” like Internet forums to concentrate on my writing.

    Will I still come around? Yes, I will. I miss everyone there. But like you, it’s time to live for myself. So, although I’ll miss seeing you, I applaud your decision.

    And, bit by bit, I’ve been weaning myself from Twitter, as well, even though I still consider so many there to be my friends.

    Go for your dream, Mercedes. You have more than earned it. Take care, my friend.

    Paul (Argentus)

  4. Sometimes hard decisions like this are necessary for growth. You know I’ve had to make a few of my own recently, but I feel better having made them, and I’m sure you will feel the same. I’m looking forward to seeing where you go from here. I’m on Team Mercedes, too. 😉

  5. There is this bull, see? And he’s got these horns, see? You’se gotta take that bull and grab his horns.
    That there’s a metaphor. Which is a fancy word for something all literary and stuff about life.
    Now grab that bull.

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