Every year we’re bombarded by holiday newsletters telling us about the wonderful year our friends have had curing cancer, running marathons on the moon, and achieving nuclear fusion all while looking absolutely stunning.
Well, good for you. Here in Mercedes Land, we’re heavily medicated. So I present to you our More Realistic Holiday Newsletter for 2024! Read what we’ve been up to while also feeling good about yourself!
LUKE was called as the new bishop of our ward. I mean, that’s it. It’s a five-year, volunteer, unpaid pastor position he holds on top of his regular job. Other things happened, too, but mostly that he has been a bishop for 231 days. Exactly. Only, roughly, 1,595 days to go!
MERCEDES released a short story collection titled Love is a Crematorium, and Hey, My Husband is the Bishop Now: A Tale of Horror. She has a pink mohawk and will be about 50 years old when her husband is released as the bishop.
NIKO asked Santa for a triple keyboard and an accordion for Christmas. Santa said, “No way; bishops’ kids don’t get cool things like that for Christmas. But your birthday is a different story.” We’re planning for an insanely musical house in May. Bring your maracas and ear plugs.
NINA is graduating high school with straight A’s and is going to University of Reno this fall. She’s a superstar and is looking forward to Sundays without shaking hands and hearing about how wonderful her father, the bishop, is.
LILIA is in her last year of Middle School. She’s a fantastic little artist and will be 18 years old when her father is released from his calling as, you guessed it, the bishop.
ACORN THE DOG has warmed up considerably to us during the past year. She knows that bishops are loving and kind and are supposed to give their pets lots of special treats.
TSARINA THE RUSSIAN DWARF HAMSTER doesn’t have the slightest idea what a bishop is. Why should she care about something so trifling when she, herself, is an empress?
It’s been a wild year with lots of changes, a few challenges, and more laughter than I could possibly imagine. We’re heading into what we hope is a magical new year, and we’re so happy you’re here to experience it with us! All the best, my friends.